Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Story Part VI (A Meeting with an Oracle)

Journey Through The Shadow
"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
"Everyone carries a Shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
"Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see." - Carl Gustav Jung

"Synchronicities express themselves through chance meetings and natural events as well as in dreams and supernatural episodes" - Daniel Pinchbeck

“When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty..” - Jesus, as quoted in the Third Verse of the Gospel of Thomas

I was intent on starting anew, but the depression sunk deeply within my heart. I had never come so close to love in my young adult life and it was more than disappointing to only find these immense emotions fleeting. I looked to college as the door to a new life where I would leave this old life behind, forgetting all the crazy things that had happened to me thus far.

I decided to look into the Air Force Reserves Officer Training Corps at the University. I had rekindled my old interest in all things aerospace, including UFOs, and I thought this an opportune time to delve more into the subject. As an officer in the Air Force, I thought, I would be able to actually get involved in things I could not have access to as a civilian. I could find out for myself if there were truly an extra-terrestrial presence on earth and if our own government was involved or against them.

The semester began and I quickly found myself getting into shape due to the physical training that was required in ROTC. I had never felt so good in my life and all the excitement of college added to the exhilaration. But, unfortunately, this and this peak of morale was also fleeting as I woke up one morning discovering I could not stand up on my own.

After a visit to the doctor, I had learned that I had shinsplints so severe that they had created hairline fractures in my shins. Just one month into the semester and I was crippled. Due to my handicap I was unable to keep my grades up or even participate in ROTC activities; I had no choice but to drop out.

The depression from earlier that year had no competition with what I felt at this point in my life. After all that effort to get back in control of my life, I felt like I had lifted myself up only to be thrust back down even deeper into the allegorical hell hole. I had hit an all-time low.

I prayed for solace, for peace of mind and the ability to overcome the emotions that had welled up in me. I prayed for direction as I was then absolutely directionless. I prayed for anything or anyone to come save me from myself. My prayers were answered, but once again it was not as I expected.

It was at this time I found a renewed love for the band Tool, which at the time had gone on hiatus as the vocalist and lyricist, Maynard James Keenan, had gone on to sing for a side project called A Perfect Circle.  My familiarity with "APC" lead me back to the music of Tool.

I picked up the album Lateralus after coming across the music video for Parabol/Parabola.  At first it was the music that had attracted me the most, but I would later find that it was the lyrics that had the most immense power over my mind and soul.

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now
Embracing you, this reality here
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful
Wide eyed and hopefully wild
We barely remember what came before this precious moment
Choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in...
This body makes me feel eternal
All this pain is an illusion
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside...
This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion
Alive, I
In this holy reality, in this holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion
Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion
"Choosing to be here in this body holding me... All this pain is an illusion..."
It was these words that healed my mind and my heart.  I didn't know how, but I knew I chose to come here at this time for some reason.  All this pain is an illusion, just like the dream of the butterfly, just like The Matrix.  This song took everything I had discovered spiritually so far and sealed them together; it was this confirmation that gave me the strength to go on.

But I was still not wholly satisfied.  I was confused as to why, yet again, my prayers were answered from a source outside of The Church, outside of the Priesthood Authority.  I was yet again faced with results to my prayers that seemed contradictory in nature to what I thought knew to be true and correct.  Why were my prayers answered in this way?  (Especially with a rock band.)  It was not the "comforter" I was expecting, but alas, there I was comforted with an added dose of utter bewilderment.

Nights were sleepless and the days were long as I was a college drop-out, crippled and unemployed.  Between my depression and spiritual confusion, I found that the only thing I had to keep me company was music.  It was the one thing I had to keep myself sane, at least, to keep myself from going insane.

After discussing these things with my bishop, rather than giving me any spiritual advice at all he recommended I see a doctor who worked for Church Family Services.  I knew this meant he wanted me to go see a counselor employed by the Church.  This did not help my morale knowing that my bishop thought I required a mental health checkup, it just made me feel like I was going crazy.  (I'm pretty sure at that point he knew any time I wanted to see him about something it'd be about things that were completely over his head, or at least not in the handbook of instructions...)

Reluctantly, I went to my first appointment with the Church employed shrink.  I was surprised to see how many people were waiting to see counselors in the waiting room; mostly teenagers and middle-aged women.  I found an empty seat and waited for my turn.

Finally, my name was called by a man with short dark hair and round glasses who I found was to be my counselor.  We introduced ourselves and shook hands.  I was lead to a quaintly decorated room with casual living room furniture.  I took a seat on the plush recliner on the far side of the room and the man took a seat in one nearest to the door, opening his notebook.

"Okay, Kris," he stated, "Tell me why you're here."

I chuckled.  Why was I there?  No better place to begin than from the beginning, I thought, and for the next 45-minutes to an hour I recounted most of my life story and all the strange things that had happened to me thus far.  I told him about my thirst for answers, how I had constantly found myself in circumstances beyond my control and how I always prayed for guidance only to be thrown for a loop once more.  I told him about how I had become seemingly possessed by some strange devil after praying about the Church and the scriptures and how my grandfather was unable to immediately "cast it out" with his priesthood authority.  After asking me whether or not I had received a Patriarchal Blessing, I told him that though I did indeed receive one it did not provide much insight into what was really happening and that it was left very open-ended.  I told him about all the dreams I had and how they had such lasting affects on my mind, especially the one I had earlier that year with J.  I told him how I never really wrapped my head around the events that ensued and how it resonated with everything in the dream.  Finally, I told him I went to the one person I trusted the most with this information, the Bishop, and how I was disappointed when I was sent here to see him, the counselor, instead.

The counselor jotted notes in his notebook as he listened, never really making any particular facial expression to anything I said and only interrupting me every now and then to clarify whatever it was I had told him. When I finished, he looked at me and said, "Okay, thanks for sharing that with me. I'm going to review my notes and pray about what you've said and we'll go from there next time."

Next time? I wanted more of a response than that right then and there. In fact, any feedback at that point would have been welcomed. Again, I found myself in disappointment knowing I had to wait even longer for some sort of guidance.

We made an appointment to meet again in a week's time. From the moment I left the building it felt like time slowed as I anxiously waited for the next session. I often found myself lost in thought as I tried to figure out what I would say the next time, or even, what the counselor may say to me after hearing all of those things. I didn't know what to expect and the anticipation was driving me even further over the edge.

Finally the time came round and I found myself in the same chair with the doctor sitting across from me with his notebook open, glancing over his notes from the previous week. I sat nervously with my legs crossed, my hands clasped while staring at the ground, waiting for him to say something.

"You've experienced a lot in your life in a short amount of time," he said, somewhere along those lines.  "I think your logical mind is having trouble coming to terms with things that can't be analyzed through logic."

My focus quickly changed from the ground to the doctor's eyes.  It was like an epiphany that had got stuck on its way to fruition had suddenly broke free.  What he said clicked: I knew I had always over analyzed things, but I never knew that it was detrimental to my health.

"You have symptoms of clinical depression due to a chemical imbalance. I know you probably don't like the idea, but I recommend we put you on anti-depressants to help sort that out."

I drew my attention back down to the floor in front of me as I thought about what he had just said. I didn't like the idea of taking pills, but my trust in the doctor had grown exponentially with his last comments. I looked back up to him and nodded, "Okay. Let's do it."

I wanted to tell him how much better I felt, but I was just too dumbfounded. I waited while he wrote out a prescription for whatever pills he wanted me to take. I was at a loss of words.

"Here you go," he ripped the page from his notepad and stood up to hand it to me. I stood up as well, meeting him half way to receive the piece of paper. "You don't have to take all of them," he stated, "just until you feel like you can sort things out in your head easier."

I glanced down at the page in my hand then back up to the counselor. "Thanks for your help and your feedback." I replied. We shook hands and agreed to meet again in a week's time to see how I was doing after taking the medication I was prescribed for a week.

I felt relieved but still bewildered. The medication did help me sleep and I wasn't always caught up in anxious thought or dwelling on the past. I took the time to meditate on what he had told me, about how I was analyzing things with logic that could not be analyzed in that way. 'If not logic, then what?' I thought to myself. Every time I threw logic to the wind and prayed to God my prayers were always answered in stranger ways from sources that I did not expect.

I referred to my Patriarchal Blessing once more and again found the third paragraph on the second page where it read, "There will be times when you will desire answers that will not be there for you.  You must live by faith."  It was then I came to the conclusion that I did not have enough information to unravel the mysterious happenings in my life and so it would be useless for me to stress myself over something I couldn't do anything about.  I decided to take this line's advice and live by faith; not specifically with faith in God, however, but with faith that one day the answers will come to me and I will understand what my purpose in life truly is.  As far as I knew, God was out on holiday and had no messaging service.  It seemed to me that there was something else entirely different directing my life.

As another week went by, I found myself in the same chair across from the church counselor who had been so open minded and understanding. "How are things?" he asked me.

I felt at ease, I felt ready to move on and leave the past where it belonged-- somewhere that was not constantly in the present. I was ready to live life for today with hope for a better tomorrow. There was much about my past that I did not understand, but I knew if I kept going eventually one day, from some place completely unexpected, I would find what I needed to begin to understand all of it.

A Meeting with an Oracle
An account of how I met the clairvoyant who forever changed my life.

Time moved forward again as I got back on top of my life. After healing both mentally and physically from the previous year, I was able to get a job at a local computer store as a salesman. I was getting active in music again on the side and I took the free time I had to enjoy many different musical events throughout spring and summer. It was another chance for rebirth, to leave the life of high school and everything that happened the year before behind me and start anew.

I started going back to church with my friend, S, who I had mentioned previously. I also started attending institute (college level seminary) with my long time friend L. We were all preparing to serve a mission for the Church, which I felt was the best thing to do since I didn't have any plans to go back to school at the time. I was still searching for answers and I believed I'd find those answers on a proselyting mission, or at least be lead to opportunity to find them in the future.

A lot of scripture study is required for mission preparation and though as a seminary graduate I was already pretty familiar with them it was an opportunity do dive further, especially to get a head start on my search for answers.

I met weekly with my friends for scripture study. We would choose a chapter in the Book of Mormon with questions in mind and when we would find something that resonated with them we would highlight them a certain color and then mark it. After several months I had marked up my book a lot, but still nothing really jumped out at me. They were all the same, bland, vague, indirect quotes of scriptural wisdom one could find in any piece of religious literature.

I continued to pray every night for help, direction and guidance.  As the summer season got late, I grew weary but my patience was enduring.  I took the advise of the church counselor and didn't analyze every little thing that happened in my life.  I simply took one thing at a time and stayed in a meditative state of mind.

Then, one fateful day, my prayers were yet again answered by whatever 'demon-lord' (sarcasm) was directing my life.  Once again it was not in the way I was expecting them; it did not come from anywhere near the Church, 
  (I hope you're starting to see the pattern...) but from a person who traveled clear from another country just to find and save me.

I was at work one Wednesday evening and on break.  I sat very bored in the break room staring at the clock, telling myself I only had three more hours to go before my shift was over.  With a deep breath I stood up, stretched, took a deep breath and then went out onto the sales floor.

There were many people in my section browsing the different types of software we sold at the store.  It was my job to ask them if they needed assistance in finding what they were looking for, but I could only help one person at a time.  As I surveyed the area it was the small dark-skinned lady in the contrastingly bright orange and yellow flower dress that stood out the most; not just in appearance, but in energy.  As I laid my eyes on her, a rush of warmth fell over me, attracting me to her in the purest way.  I had never felt so spiritually attracted to anyone in my life.

"Can I help you find something?" I asked as I approached her.  She was a middle-aged Hispanic lady with deep eyes.  She spoke with a Spanish accent, replying with a smile, "Yes, I am looking for software that I can type a word into and it will bring up a photograph of it."

I almost chuckled to myself, "Do you have the internet?" I asked.

"Yes, I do, " she replied.

"Well let me show you something amazing," 
  I said with a lot more enthusiasm than I had only minutes before in the break room.  "It's called 'Google'."  I began to turn towards the computer section, "Follow me."

We approached a demo computer and I opened up the internet browser.  "All you have to do is open this and type in '' and this page will pop-up."  Once it was loaded I clicked the search field to activate the cursor.  "Once you're here you can type any word into this field and it will bring up a photograph of what you are looking for."

Her reaction was of surprise and amazement.  It was humorous to me, being a computer savvy young man, but I realized how truly amazing such a simple thing as a search engine really is.  It was times like these, helping others find solutions to problems, that really made my day.  I stood back and let her give it a shot.

"I was looking for a picture of black pearls," she said as she typed it in and hit enter.  Instantly the screen filled with thumbnail photographs of black pearls and pearl necklaces.

"This is exactly what I was looking for!" she said with great excitement as she pointed to an image towards the bottom of the page.  "This is really amazing," she concluded with a smile.  "Thank you!"

"No problem, glad I could help."  I replied, smiling and nodding in return.  The feeling of warmth I had felt from her before increased even more and I was overwhelmed.  It was just like when I had been developing my chi reception when I studied Kung Fu, but I had never felt anything so strong.  I knew there was something special about her.

I was further driven by curiosity since she had originally asked for software and wondered if she needed photo editing software as well. "Can I ask why you needed this?"

"Oh, I am a 'Light Worker'," she responded rather candidly.  "People come to me for energy healing and sometimes I see images when I am working with them.  I wanted a way to show them what I was seeing and also print out a copy of the picture for them to take home and meditate on."

I was surprised, it wasn't anything I was expecting and she had responded in such a frank matter.  I felt driven to tell her what I had been feeling from her energetically that entire time I had been talking to her.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked.   She nodded, saying, "Sure, go ahead."

"I used to study and actively practice Kung Fu and my instructor worked with us on developing our sensitivity to chi energy."  She grinned, showing great interest as I continued, "I've held on to that for the most part and when I came onto the floor from the break room I was really hit by the energy coming from you.  It's why I approached you first."

"That's great!" she replied enthusiastically.  "Being sensitive to light energy is a rare gift and talent."

I felt driven to continue to divulge more about myself, things I certainly wouldn't tell a complete stranger. "I also have very vivid dreams," I said, "sometimes I don't even know if I'm dreaming or if I'm awake.  I've had problems discerning the line between reality and non-reality."  The expression on her face was nothing short of amazement, intense interest and joy.  It was almost unsettling.  It blew me away with the amazing connection we had, especially for just meeting.  I wanted to know more, but I couldn't take any more time while on the clock.

"What is your name?"  I asked.  "And I know this may seem like a strange thing to ask, but can we meet and talk at a later time?  I feel like we have much to discuss."

She stated her name, which I will simply refer to as 'C'.  She reached into her purse and pulled out a business card.  On it was an encircled star of David, which I would later learn to be the two-dimensional depiction of the Merkaba.

"Are you free tomorrow?"  she asked.

"Yes," I responded.  "I don't work tomorrow, so tomorrow would be great.  Thank you so much!"

We agreed to meet at a local coffee shop and then we parted ways.  I returned to my duties and finished my shift wondering what may be coming my way.  What had just happened left me in a state of awe and begging for more.  I remember asking myself, is this lady for real?  Or am I getting my self wrapped up into something I shouldn't be getting into?  But no, the coincidences were too amazing and the feeling of warmth I got from her was the most comforting I had felt at a time when I was beginning to feel, yet again, so lonely and abandoned.  I told myself I needed to meet her again, no matter how crazy it all seemed.  That night, I laid in bed staring at her card thinking about what may happen the next day until finally I fell asleep.

And then I dreamed, of course, because my mind would not shut down.  I was in a hut in the middle of a jungle.  I heard rapping at the door and so I got up to see who was there.

There she stood, but she was not alone.  She had two people with her like they were body guards.  She was dressed in dark clothing and her head was covered.  I invited her in and we talked for hours.  When I came to the next morning, I could not recall what exactly we talked about, I guess because that part hadn't actually took place, but I remember I still felt unsatisfied.  I knew she had told me what I needed to hear, but it was surely not what I wanted to hear due to the way I felt after our dialogue.  All I remember is that we talked and then she left with her two guardians and I was left alone to ponder what we had discussed alone in my hut out in the middle of the wilderness.

Later the next day after I had awaken, the time finally came and I found myself at the coffee shop we had agreed to meet at, sitting on a plush chair by a window across from another of the same with a coffee table between the two.  I fiddled with my cell phone as I took a sip from a drink I had gotten when I arrived, wondering if she would still show up like we agreed.  Finally, after what seemed like hours (but was probably only a few minutes), she walked through the door this time wearing something much more conservative than the day before.  She wore slacks with a dark blouse, highlighted by a gold necklace.  It was very reminiscent of what she had looked like in my dream the night before.  I couldn't help but wonder if she had two spiritual guardians following close by, phased out of our immediate reality.  Again, I felt the same immense warmth from her I had felt the day before and it was comforting to see her smile as our eyes met.

"Hello Christopher! So good to see you again," she said in her jovial Spanish accent.

"It's good to see you too," I replied as I stood up to meet her.  "Thanks for meeting with me."

"It is no problem, I am happy to be here," she responded.  "Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you, I already helped my self when I got here,"  I informed her.  "Please go ahead I've got us a spot by the window."

I went back to my seat and took a sip of my drink as I waited for her to get hers.  I ran everything I had thought about telling her the night before through my mind, quickly organizing all the people, places and events that had took place in my life in a way I could relate to her where I came from, what I had done and how I wondered where I should go.  It almost felt like I was meeting a fortune teller;  I even wondered if she was going to pop out a crystal ball or break out a deck of tarot cards.  I realized I had really no idea what I was getting myself into, or if I was even going to get anything from her without compensation, but I was driven by the feeling she gave me and the synchronistic event that took place the day before.  I had to find out for myself who she was and what she had to say about me.  It was too late to back down at that point.

She came over and sat in the seat across from me, sitting her drink on the low table between us.  "So," she began, "how are you?  How was the rest of your shift last night?"

We exchanged in small talk for a few minutes and I told her how I came to work at the store.  We eventually got right into it:  I told her how I had grown up in the neighborhood we were meeting in, about the parental figures in my life and how I was raised in a predominantly Mormon family.  I ran through my whole life story, that which I've related so far in this narration, and told her my feelings and reactions to everything that had happened to me.

I got to the point where I had started having vivid dreams and how my friends, like S, had also strange experiences within the dream world.  I told her the effect "The Matrix" movies had had on our lives and I was totally stunned when she was overcome with emotion and her eyes began to tear up.

"Are you okay?" I asked, interrupting my story.  I didn't know how to react, I was amazed that she was that emotional about it.  To me it had just been a part of my life, but from her perspective it must have seemed like something much more.

"I am fine," she replied.  "I just think it is so amazing that you and the people you've made your friends are so connected in the spiritual realm through the dream world.  That is a wonderful story."  She grabbed a napkin and wiped the tears from her eyes.

It was at that point that I related to her what happened with the vivid dream I had the year before after my visit to the Buddhist Temple, how it tore my sense of reality apart by having dreamed of a person before actually meeting them and seeing how they would affect my life after it was all said in done; all before any of it had happened.  I told her I had never dreamed of the future like that, especially in such a strange and allegorical way.

She told me something a long the lines of, "In higher consciousness, there is no sense of time.  It is not 'linear' how we, in human civilization, conceptualize time.  "You and your friends are tapping into that higher consciousness through the dream-state."  

It made perfect sense to me, not in a logical or rational way but in purely spiritual feeling.  The warmth I felt inside me grew every time she commented on my story and I knew what was taking place was one of the most important events I had yet experienced in life.

I told her how I sought answers through the Church, but that time after time the answers to my prayers came from sources outside of it.  It was basically the exact same thing I had told my bishop and also the church counselor.  I explained to her how confused I was that it could be that way, since the Church teaches that prayers are only answered by God, and I didn't know why God would point me in directions away from what was supposed to be his Church.

"I've been preparing myself to serve a proselyting mission for the Church," I stated, "because I want to go on a spiritual journey to find out what it's truly all about.  I hear about others who have gone on missions who have gained a greater testimony of Jesus Christ by sharing the gospel with others.  I am hoping to experience that for myself.

"However, I don't know how I can bring myself to proselyte something I don't truly know anything about.  Everything I've learned is what others have told me, it is nothing I've truly experienced.  Sure I've experienced strange things, but I've never truly had a testimony of the Gospel.  Every time I thrust myself into deep prayer and meditation over the scriptures, the Gospel and life in general, I am constantly lead away from the Church to other systems of beliefs, like when I attended the Buddhist Sunday services in high school.  I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I go to Church every week but I never feel how I did when I went to the Buddhist temple.  I pray and read the scriptures almost every day, but I feel like I am just running around in circles.

"I don't know what to do," I concluded, "but I have a feeling you do."

She smiled persistently as I expressed my frustrations, her eyes still watery from before.  Without pause, she responded, "Christopher, you are not to serve a mission for the Church.  That is not where your road leads and the universe has been trying to tell you that your whole life by steering you away."

I sat, feeling all too vulnerable.  This was exactly what I was taught my whole life to not accept, as Satan was the only being who wanted me to stray from the Church and ultimately my 'Salvation'.  What she had just said finally forced me to come to terms with my self, and in all reality with my mental 'shadow'.  I realized I could not deny the strange synchronocities and coincidences that had taken place throughout my life.  Everything that had happened to me had lead me to that time and place, entrenched in a conversation I had prayed to have take place for a long time.  At that second, after she had finished that statement, I realized I had no choice but to make a choice.

"Your mother named you Christopher," she continued, "which is from the Greek 'Kristophorus'.  It means Light of Christ, not just in reference to Jesus Christ, but what he stood for and how he affected the people he interacted with, the way a crystal
refracts light in all directions.  There is light in your name and you may not realize it but you have and always been a light to those around you.  It is insightful and appropriate that your mother named you that."

What amazed me was that wasn't even my first name.  My birth certificate had a different name that was given to me by my father, but my mother had it changed after they were divorced.  I had been given a new name only months after my birth when my first name was given.

"You, as a spiritual being, came here to this planet, at this time, for a purpose," she continued.  "Great things are happening on this planet and all of the star seed are gathering here to bear witness and participate in the events that will take place.  I believe you are one of them, an Indigo Child."

I had heard of the concept of the Indigo Children before; indigo is the color associated with the Third-Eye chakra and it is said that the indigo children have an indigo colored aura.  Indigo Children are characterized as being incredibly independent, creative and clairvoyant.  I never thought much of it because I thought that could be a general characterization of lot of unique people throughout history, but to have someone I had only met just a day before label me as one was a complete shock.  I didn't know what to think, so I stayed silent and let her continue.

"I need to tell you, I grew up in Mexico and have only been here in Utah for a few years," she stated.  "When I was young I could see and feel things other couldn't.  I learned for myself that I was connected to the higher consciousness and as I grew older I found myself attracted to others like myself.  We feel our calling in life is to help guide others as they come into this world towards their true purpose, and so we call ourselves 'Light Workers.'  Many of us have moved to Utah because energetically it is a very strong area and we knew that the reason the Mormon Church's headquarters was established here was due to this immense amount of energy.

"They are tapping into that energy with their temples and they are digging underground.  We don't know exactly why, but we know that it is causing a rift in the Earth's energy field.  We are gathering to do healing work on the land, to keep it healthy and alive."

Of course, what I recount to you now is not what she said word for word, but I do remember for certain the details she related to me.  She told me, "The Church is not what you've grown up to think, or believe it is.  What they are doing in their temples is not what Jesus related to the people of the Middle-East and goes against it.  It is like any other religion in general, it is control, much like 'The Matrix'."

I realized then why she had been overcome with emotion when I told her about 'The Matrix'.  I felt a lot like Neo, only barely woken up, standing in the construct with Morpheus as he explained to him what The Matrix truly was: a prison for your mind.

It was a mental and emotional shock.  I didn't know how to handle what she had told me.  I felt ill.  At first I told myself that this couldn't be true and that she was just sent by Satan to tear me away from God's true Church, but then I realized how ridiculous that truly sounded.  I realized, I had already taken the 'red pill' and I had gone too far to turn back.

"I realize I have a lot to ponder now," I told her, having nothing else to say.  It was all too much, and I felt just as I did at the end of my dream the night before.  I knew this was the end of our discussion; she had told me what I needed to know and it was up to me to figure out where I'd go from there.

"Thank you so much," I continued standing up to shake her hand.  "Really, I appreciate you meeting with me.  I will meditate on the things you've told me.  Hopefully I'll figure out where I need to go now."

But rather than shaking my hand, she came around the table and opened her arms.  "Kristophorus, it has been so amazing to meet you."  I didn't think, I just reacted, opening my arms as well as she gave me a big hug.

"Don't worry, I am here for you if you need someone to talk to," she continued after we moved apart.  "The answers you seek will come to you as long as you open yourself up to receive them."

I smiled and nodded.  That is exactly what I needed to hear.  Once again, my prayers had been answered in a way I has least expected.  This time I wasn't going to ignore 

We talked a few more minutes that day and she related to me how she ended up finding herself at the one store that I worked in.  I was still amazed how we had met and so I wanted to know.

She told me a few years prior a fellow light worker who was her mentor had called her after awaking from a dream.  She told C she had been visited in a dream by someone asking her if she knew where she was.  She replied to the person in her dreams, saying that C was not there but she would certainly send word that she was being sought after.

C told me that the person that that visited her mentor in the dream-state looked exactly like me and that she had been looking for me ever since.

She continued, saying that just the day before she had just gotten back from holiday in Mexico and had an appointment with a client.  She had done a session and saw an image of black pearls.  She wanted desperately to show her client what she had seen, but didn't know how to go about it.  Since she had just gotten a new computer she thought there might be software that would allow her to search for that image and it would have it.  At first she had gone to two competing electronic/computer stores inquiring, and each one referred her to the store I worked at.  The first time she was referred to my store she didn't want to travel the distance to get there since it was further away than the second competitor, but again she was referred to my store for what she sought.

"I knew I was being directed there for some reason, so I said, 'Okay, I will go.'"

And now you know the rest of the story.  She came in, I came out of the break room and the universe finally united (re-united?) us.  I still to this day have no logical explanation for this event, but it was yet another catalyst to get me to where I am today.  In the next and final part of my story, I will detail how the answers I sought have slowly, but surely, come to me over the past four years since I first met C, the petite middle-aged Mexican lady who came to Utah with her friends to heal the land with light, and also, to rescue a poor wayward soul from the prison that didn't even know it was confined to.  Now that I could move my head freely, it was time to look around and to discern thing from shadow, reality from illusion.

To Be Continued...

If you couldn't tell, I'm a big fan of Carl Gustav Jung's theories on the subconscious mind and the symbolism he incorporates into the study.  Tool used Jung's idea of the mind's "shadow" in the lyrics for this song off their second studio album, ├ćnima.  This video provides a great analysis of the song's meaning.

(Commenting will not be available for this series until the last post. Please stay tuned.)